Friday, May 16, 2008

Happy Happy...^^

so happy for this few weeks...
hanging out wid my old friends and new friends...
no more tears and mad....haha...
i have join the Estee Lauder model search program which locate in midvalley...
i was acc with my dear friend...in 2 days we went to midvalley i already spent rm600 something...gosh...im broken d...even my friend also...but its worth because im really happy when my fren come down and visit me...i had met a new fren fom my fren...his name is kah wui..
we watch Narnia prince caspian movie together until 12something...actually me nd my fren plan to go clubing...but failed...so sad...but luckily we also din go...because both of us will met the people we do not wish and like to met...2day my fren goin back ipoh...i will to...but she is not following my car..yet we still will meet in ipoh...yeeepeeee....!!!

Monday, May 5, 2008

Unluckily...

Goin out for iron man movie with cheng, liang and nicholas.
I met a new friend from cheng and ling.He is nicholas.
He is from indonesia, same age as me as well but we are in different year of degree.
Nice to talk with and always wearing a smile on his face.haha...
after movie, we plan to go to putrajaya to see the night view again...lolz...
unfortunately, we met an accident. It takes two hours to settle it...GOSH!!...
our plan to putrajaya is just cancel...sad.
Luckily...this accident does not get anyone injured...really thanks god from protecting us..^^

Sunday, May 4, 2008

Sooo Happy...^^

so happy for yesterday of being with CCF member...
how funny and cheerful they are...
we went to serdang eat dinner..
later to putrajaya...
we are extremely high at there...
keep taking photo...
feel like making an album...haha...
after that we went for supper in mamak....
then go home...
unfortunately it was our last meeting...
have to wait until july....sob...
there are two member from CCF gonna graduate d...
we will miss them alot...
all the best to them and god bless them always...^^
xoxo...

Tuesday, April 29, 2008

Angry and moody...

i will never ever forgive a person who betray me...especially a love swindler...
what a disgrace for the person...hate playboy!!!...Girls, heres some attention to you all..
always becareful with guys...such like:
-their sweet talk
-giving a lot of exuse
-when they asking for sexual with them
-LIES
-their character and morals
-their attitude
-especially guys who smoke,drink liquor and clubber
-never respect you
-keep giving excuse and borrow ur money
-flirt with girls
-lazy
-keep making you mad at him and always sad or cry, because this shows he did not appreciate and cherish you at all.
-keep making mistakes
-no improvement
-unfaithful to god
-discourteous
-irresponsible
-love to escape from problems
-discriminate
-and others wat u feel to the guys...
Don't ever too believe a guy...cause they will never really tell you the truth...
i can sure this things because a lot of senior and the elder member of the family they tell me so...
so do listen to what ur parents said...some of the things they said are correctly...
im very regret now because i do not believe what they said and keep stubborn with the guy betray me now...
so GIRLS always be alert and beaware of GUYS...
i do not hope there are a lot of victim and same cases like me...
i hope all Girls in this world will get their happiness ever...
all the best to all GIRLS in this world...(Especially who are serious in relationship)
God bless you all..^^

Monday, April 28, 2008

Happy Happy...^^

I'm glad that i got the chance to join CCF...so happy when being with them...They are full with love and friendly..mostly i wan to thanks to shu wan and xue er jie...they are so concern about me...Since i join CCF, i have found my way back. I hope god can give me a chance to help him spread gospel to others.^^..besides i also got contact back with my old friends...so happy that they still not forget me...love this kind of friendship...i also wanna thanks god that he let me look through all my betrayer their real character...even in my relationship...I feel lucky because i had learn a lot of lesson from this kind of things happen of being betray by my friend and my ex partner before its too late.Thanks god for saving me from them...^^..From this lesson i will becareful in step in a new relationship and friendship. and now i was fulfill with god's love
god needs me and i needs god too...^^
i am so happy that i had grow up from all this cases this few years.
i love you jesus and i love my family too...
thanks to all of them who are so concerning about me...i really appreciate it...^^
once again..Thanks..love you all and appreciate you all always....
xoxo...

Sunday, April 27, 2008

Hate Hate Hate...!!!

Really dislike people who are;
-Judas
-Disloyal
-Not faihful to god
-Black hearted
-Do not appreciate
-Back stabber
-Do not treat feeling seriously
-Discourteous
-Irresponsible
-Discriminate
-Do not think rationally

Sad...why want force me do something i don't like....

Friday, April 25, 2008

*~My meMorabLe diaRy~*

When we are born, we are born in this evil’s world. So everyone is living in a sin. That’s why we need someone to bring us out from this evil’s world. Who is the one who can bring us out from this evil’s world? Is JESUS. Who is JESUS? He is the son of God. He come to this evil’s world is to saving us from the evils. Because he said ‘Those who trust on him will be save and never die’ and ‘he is the one who can bring us to the heaven and to father God’.(this words show in bible) What I’m saying here is we will die one day but is only our body yet those who trust in him, their spirit will never die. But we should not only trust in him yet we need to be his son and daughter. What I mean here is we need to Baptist our self and be a holy son and daughter. It was a MUST if you really trust in god. Be a Christian today! Because I’m already save from this evil’s world. I live happily with Jesus by my side. Because he takes away my tears and fears. When you are sad or fear in something, talk to Jesus and trust him 100%. He will guide us the right path way. You got to believe this because it really works in time.


Start from the Beginning it’s all a mistakes, wait till you regret it’s already too late. Because you already put all the hopes on it. You will think its perfect ever but it just a mask wear on it. You will never really know what inside is. When the time gets longer their mask will slowly peel off, you will see their real character and think that they are worse ever. So do look clearly one person and be alert when you want to step in a relationship or a friendship but when you already step in a relationship or friendship before you looks clearly who they are it was still not late yet. What you can do is be yourself and be clear in what you are doing. Don’t ever do things that were not you because of the people around you. Always remember and do’s to be yourself. Don’t do something that will hurt yourself and not good for your own health. If you think you are not good enough to yourself and others. Give your self a time to change better or try to talk to someone who can be trusted to guide you, if you really don’t know what you should do. If you still doubt with yourself or anyone, there is one thing you can do is pray to our father lord and talk to him. Although you can’t see him and hear him but one thing is, you should not doubt with him and always trust on him. Because he really do always beside you and guide you. So don’t worry as long you trust in him.


By the way, if you have something that keep in your heart very long time and it makes you feel unhappy, try to say out to someone who can be trusted and willing to spend their quality times to listen to you and give you the guide. If you are fear to someone or do not trust anyone, talk to our father lord. As what I said above he will guide you too. Do not be afraid to cry and say out your feelings. Remember if you keep hiding something in your heart, you will never live in this world happily and you will get insane soon!!!...I’m giving my witness here. Because it happens on me too. Below are the real stories of mine.


Long time ago,I have an unhappy family. Because my family always quarrel and we seldom go to church and worship to god. When we slowly back to god and always do worship and my family condition become better. This show we when we leave god the evils are planning on us. It takes quite long time to make my family get better, but as long we got the patient and pray to god, its work!
Besides my family, I faced my friendship problems. I’m very easy to make friend with that’s why I got a lot of friends. But my first friendship problem is happened when I was in secondary school. I got a gang of best friend and one of them is my foster sister. We always do the same things and our friendship is very good. There is a guy (ex. Jack) appear in our friendship. It can’t blame on him at all. It was like that, Jack is my foster sister (ex. Joanne) friend and also my others friend’s friend. I don’t know him at all and I don’t know how they know each other. Maybe they know each other in tuition centre. Jack wants to chase one of my friends (ex. Joyce). But Joyce she just got too many boyfriends and she asks the Jack to wait him. Jack said he will wait her no matter how long. And this is the words that makes all the things happened. As usual I go tuition with my friends and Joanne together. And I start notice Jack existence. I thought him already couple with Joyce so when I saw him I just smile at him and he do’s to me the same thing. In tuition centre I always sit with Joanne. One day, Jack sits in front of me. As usual he will sit with Joyce but that day he sit with his friend (ex. John). When we want to chatting we use notes and pass it to each other. So Joanne chat with Jack using the notes and pass to each other. Starting I don’t bother them but I’m too bored in the class already. So I just see what they chat. Jack wrote in the paper and asks Joanne whether she want to play badminton together and he also invite me along. Joanne says ok and I also ok la. Because I love badminton too…ha ha…then Jack replied and asks my phone number. I and Joanne thought is John asked Jack to ask my number. Joanne just very happy because got guys want to chase me then wrote my number to him when I saw it I rub it and she use pen to wrote it again and faster pass to Jack. Joanne was scolded by me later but not really scold her la…But no ones know the one who wants my phone number is Jack. That night I was washing the dishes and Jack called me. He spoke to me in Cantonese and he told me that he knows my existence and he notice me for a long time already. I was so shock and I thought the guy on the phone with me is John but he told me he is Jack. What we talk others I forgot already.



Day by day, my friends and Joanne knows that Jack wants to chase me. Everyone was just very shock. Because it comes too suddenly already. Everyone thought Jack want to chase Joyce but lastly is me. Then my friends, Joanne, Joyce they all ask me and also Jack come to some place to discuss and do a decision. There are many things happened between the times we discuss, but I just sat there and talk nothing I just listened what they discuss about and I keep crying there. Everyone keep asking me whether I got feel with Jack or not but I don’t admit. Actually I ad got feel with Jack early just that I thought he want to chase Joyce then I put hopeless on him d. It’s quite complicated if you read this right? Hmm…but I got to continue. Later Jack was getting mad on Joyce d because he ad quite hate her because the time he want to chase Joyce he found out Joyce is a very worse girl and many gossip about her. So Jack feel bad with her, but Jack said before he will wait Joyce no matter how long and now he broke his promises, so everyone is blaming him and said is his fault. I remain the quite want and keep crying only because it was 1st time happened to me so complicated case…Lastly Jack was out of temper of Joyce d and he decide to go home. But Joyce pull him and ask him who he want to chase now and he answered is me…my gosh!!...everyone hates me now because they think that I’m the one who seduce Jack. But I did not! Cause of this Joyce starting revenge on me. She keep spread out to my others friend and said I seduce Jack. I was a good girl in front of all my friends but now this gossip had makes me lose all friends. I was just like a bad girl who grab peoples boyfriend. I was so upset and down. I never do so but they keep gossip my things. Even my foster sister Joanne, she knows Joyce is not a good girl but she stand by her. The one who most close with me she betrayed me also. Can you feel the pain when u betrayed by your best friend and foster sister??...can you feel it? If this thing happened on you, you will know my pain. If this thing never happened on you maybe you can’t really understand my feeling. After that case happened, I do not friend with them anymore and I got a relationship already. It was me n Jack. And I get my new friends.


Now talk about my relationship. It’s quite complicated and sad also. I just don’t know how to start and end it. It was a long story between me n him (Jack). Our relationship remain until 2years and 8months.hmmm…I was thought me and him will last forever but now my dream is just broke into pieces already. He is my 1st love, its true. But I’m not his 1st love. I think I’m his 4th girlfriend. Starting me very mind this thing but slowly just let it be, because I’m not the one who met him 1st. I have to accept it as long he treated me very good. Yes, he does. He really treated me very good ever than no one do’s. That time I think he is the best guy ever. And I think I wouldn’t let him go.

But time flows, he changed. He is not like last time very love, be very fond of me, cherish and appreciate me. He changed since he went to college. And I admit last time I was with him and he treated me really good I treat him too badly d. But not that bad la…just like to bully him…ha ha…everyone advice me not to bully him because he got limit in patient also, but I never listen because I thought he will not like others guy and. In my mind he is a Special guy. I’m too confident with him already. I was so upset and heartbroken when I know he is not. He is just like others guy. I put too much hope on him d. that’s why now I very hurt deeply.

Actually we now already break up. I speak out want. Because I can’t stand the way he treat me now. I said break is just because I want him to change back to last time my good bf and I swear I will not like last time always bully him d. I really regret that I bully him and make him keep inside his heart for so long. I never know he will mind for what i have done to him. But I do treat him good also. What I bully he is just like playing with him but I never think he will treat it as real. I do heart him a lot. In his mind and what he can see only is i treat him bad but nothing good to him. He do not understand me yet still blame me. When I wrote about this my tears keep running out. He is the one I love the most yet is also the one who hurt me the most.

Starting we really very cherish each other and love each other a lots. We jus like cant live without each other. Everyone always envy both of us why we so close and lovely. They said they never see a couple so close before. But now everything changed. I extremely upset. Why last time we can be so lovely but why now cant??...what is the problem between us??...we can’t communicate in the right way…Last year he broke with me and he say the way I treat him very bad. When I heard that I was very down. Because what he can see is only I treat him the harm but don’t have the benefit. I almost crazy that time, its really hurt deep inside my heart when he say this to me. He asked me to let go and find a guys who is better then him. I try to explain to him why I do this and that to him then only he knows. But he still confuse whether want this relationship back or not and keep asking me let go. I’m very sad and I was accompanied by my family and friends. I slowly want to let go and a guy chase me. Between the times to heal my pain he accompanied by my side and takes care of me. And this makes me feel touch and I accept him and slowly fall in love with him and treat him as a replace of my bf. But the time I still love Jack a lot. When I with the new guy not longer, jack want me back. But everyone ask me not to. Because he will say break with me once means he will say the second time. So I refuse to back to him yet I still love him. One day he drive to my place cause he scare I will be with the new guy, he met an accident. He called me and told me. That time I just too worried him until can’t eat. And the guy saw and he knows that I still love Jack he ask me back to his side if i still love him. He said he will let me go because he don't want see me sad. And cause of an accident and my new bf said so to me, I was back with Jack again. I feel very sorry to the guy because i had hurt him.

Everything I thought from that time on he will change and treat me good and he promise he wont ever hurt me anymore. I keep forgive him bu he never see and keep blaming that i dont trust him. I just too believe him d and slowly I found out he lies me lots. And he keeps breaking all his promises. From that time I lose trustworthy with him and keep controlling him in what he want to do. I become more sensitive since he lies to me a lot. But he told me he will gain my trust back and give him some times. I do give him times. But he keeps making me disappointed. We quarrel a lots. He start ignores me and treat me very cool. And now he smoke and drinks a lot. He never smokes but he drinks. But since he with me he never drink ad unless his parents ask him to drink some. I very sad and feel want to fed up with him. But I just can’t let go at all. Because I know I too in love with him d and I really heart him a lot. Due to his irresponsible in this relationship. Everyone advice me that he is not worth for me to cry and sad for. Because he will never knows I cries a lots for him and he do not know how much I sacrifice for him and appreciate for what I have done to him. They say he don’t know how to appreciate and cherish me but there is a lot of guys outside will cherish n appreciate me. I know. But I just too in love with him. I keep praying for him.

I want him back to father lord and to me also. His family is Christian but he and his sister not yet Baptist. Sometimes I will argue with him is because I want him to Baptist. I do everything is for his good sake but he still want to blame me. I very disappointed. I keep concern n care him but he said I’m over control and annoying. Again!! , when I heard this my heart is just broke again!! Its really gives me a big strike from him d.He really change bad!!! everyone says I should hate him and angry him but I cant. You know why??... Because hating and angry someone is very suffer. And I too love and heart him to do that to him. What I can do is keep praying to god and ask for help to guide me and to touch his heart. I talk to everyone what should I do. Although this time I say break to him but he seems like not really feel hurt and sad. He told his friend that he ad tired in this relationship because we always argue. He just loves to escape. He does not face it. Everything is just left behind and let me settle alone. He is so selfish. He only hink of his feeling but never think of my feeling. He never think rationally to solve the problems together. What can I do some more??... I do so many things for him but he never appreciates and cherishes me. Do you feel this kind of pain?...the one you love the most but he or she hurt u very deeply yet you still think of his good sake and keep quietly do things for him and pray for him? Can you ever so sacrifice do this thing to the one you love??...

Everytime I wanna settle down and talk properly with him, but he kept escape from me.I know he is trying to avoid to see me. Day by day, he keep extend the time, I found out that I become very doubt for the past everything we do together. I started felt like get cheated by him because he do not treat me with sincerity. What i trust him for the past, it suddenly all become doubt. I very sad n totally break down. I never thinks it would happened. And all my dreams with him is now disillusioned. I really hope I can forgot everything and treat like never know him before but it was impossible. Some more he is my 1st love. I really want to know what he is thinking now. Does him still love me and care me??... Who can tell me??...T.T….he is just too introversion and his sense of self esteem too strong already. He does not say out his feeling to anyone also. He keeps everything in his heart. And I very clear of this is he love to escape and do others thing to forget what is he feel, but end up the things haven’t settle it will appear in his mind also. He not only lies to me but he lies to himself. I want to help him but I don’t know him willing to let me help him or not. I just can pray for him hope that he will changed his mind and truly accept me and GOD. Everyone says if he really is my partner for the rest of my life we will wish by god. Because god had plan on it. But I really hope jack is the one and I’m his too. Is hard for me to start a new relationship with others because I just can’t let him go. I really hope what I hoping now will same as him…but it’s impossible already…He now already got a new girlfriend. I heard from his friend. I never wants to know about his things anymore due to everyone adviced me not to care of him anymore because my job is already done. I had done everythings but he doesn't give any reply and reaction but his friend just come and told me all about his stuff. I really don't know what is their purpose. everyone and me think that he is trying to revenge to me and wants to makes me feel suffer. I already wanna give up with him but i told myself i have to be patient. I want to be god's dispatch to spread out the gospel. So i have to be patient to change his mind. I do not really hope he will back to my side but as long he will change his mind n make up his mind, so that he won't hurt other girls and himself too. I cant read his mind and I only can do is keep praying and to understand him…..I hope he will awake from his mistakes before its too late to start a new relationship with others...all the best to him. Im now trying to die heart and let go. In this moment i will not get a new relationship. Because i want to be mature than him then only i can care for others. He can die heart with me and with other girl together it shows that he is not serious in relationship at all. He knows the thing is bad and wrong but he keep doing the same thing. What he is doing now he wants to revenge.And now i was look clearly his character. He is not good at all. What he do to me for the pass he got purpose. He don't even treat me with sincerity. I had cheated by him all these years.I very regret in fall inlove with a guy who do not love me at all. He just use me. I very sad that he do not treat this relationship seriously. From starting i should know that he love to lies and break promises but i keep forgive him. What he is saying now is he very tired in this relationship because we always quarrel and cause our academic decrease. I will quarrel with him is shows that i care of him, i don't want him to keep doing mistakes .If he met a girl who do not quarrel with him even care him means the girl do not serious with him.
What a guy with so irresponsible!!!...


Actually I still got one more story about my friendship in university. It happened the same thing is betrayed by my close friend again. The story is a bit different. There is no guy appear in our friendship but others. Just feel tired of typing all this sad things. But all as above is my real witness. God Bless You. ^^
Hope what I share to you as above will change your mind and if you don't mind you also can share your witness with everyone here…Trust in god’s work!!!


Wrote on 15 APRIL 2008


From 12a.m - 2.57a.m